thinking and insecurities

i hate thinking about the way i think. why? cause it makes me frustrated and upset. i can never seem to live freely or do things just cause, cause what always seems to influence and sway how what and why i think is BECAUSE i think. does that make sense? and sometimes it gets to the point where my thinking process disables me to do certain things. to have fear. to be insecure. etc.

thats my problem. im insecure. im an emotional wreak. im weak.

but i think about why im that way. and why im so insecure. sometimes i want to blame my family. but i dont want to put it that way. its just... wherever i am, whoever im with, whoever im surrounded by- in everyones eyes , the eyes that matter... they alwyas seem to portray me as a failure. i feel so pathetic sometimes cause of how weak i can be. it makes me sick.

i feel like a bird trapped in a cage that has never gotten the opportunities to spread her wings because they are being help diown by the standards of this fucked up society. theyre held down by fear. they are held down by doing something that isnt known to me.

i fee4ling like im going off on a tangent because now i feel like talking about relationships and love.

but ill just cut it here. so much on my mind. and i havent got back into the feel for writing and expressing it electronically