dad..

im so tired of getting yelled at and bitched at for every thing that i do, even if im doing what he "wants" or doing what i actually need to do. im constantly getting lectured and bitched at for the failure that i am and for being such a disappointment to him, and for not being like one of his friends' kids or a lady on the news channel or something like that etc. im constantly being compared to unrealistic people as my dad "sets standards" for me and is constantly bitching at me for not reaching them. even if i stay home like he says, im wasting my time. and when im not home and im elsewhere like working or studying, im apparently a drug dealing hooker. -.-

nothign i even do, nothing i ever say ever pleases him. im apparently not good enough for him to even want to be alive, and im apparently not good enough for him to even want to call me his daughter.

sometimes shit like this just goes through one ear and out the other, and i simply try to ignore it. but other times, it really gets to me, and it makes me an emotional wreck as i cry and drown myself in tears for the reason of me being a complete failure in everyones eyes.

this relates back to how i always feel like im living my life to please others, and currently, am doing a shitty job at it. and this relates back to how im never good enough, for anyone. whether its my dad, my teachers, my boyfriends, my friends and myself.

i hate this feeling. i just wanna run away and find someone who is proud of me. but better yet, i just want to be able to look in the mirror and feel satisfied with where im at and how im feeling, cause ihavent felt that way for five years now.