Tuesday, December 30, 2008
changing id names
i was thinking, about changing my blog id BUT i would see no use in that. just so i can erase more and more of him out of my life, cause it would be weird knowing he reads my shit, but its w/e. its not like he wouldnt find out my new id, or ask someone about it.
MDR Part 2
i only blog about this fucker because he keeps popping up in my fucking life.
when i DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
oh, and im pretty damn sure he reads this shit. maybe that way, he'll get a clue.
so, today, he texts me this.
"the broadcasting of your negative views are so entertaining, you should work in hollywood! insults aside, i want you to know that i genuinely intended to squash shit and cease communication with you, but ive decided that your predictability is too fun to leave alone. oh, the look on your face was classic! and if only you had the audacity to muster all of the heinous adjectives and explicatives as rendered form the safety of a keyboard rahter than your nercously plastered smile, i would laugh hysterically at your narrow scope of thought. because while i already know im an asshole, you still wonder why youre a rumored harlot! i wont be spiteful thought, lets stick to the facts, shall we? in the last month youve called, imed, emailed, blogged and texted me. (bullshit) now with all of this attention, how could i not reciprocate just a bit of it? my point exactly. oh and when you get this, try not to rant to mikey about it. he hears enough about you from everyone else. toodles."
and in response i said,
"thats nice, idgaf. you mean nothing ot me anymore and while ive moved on youre sitting here trying to rebuild a friendship with me when im trying to make it clear that i dont want anything to do with you. you will never understand what you put me through even though you got a taste of your own medicine, me. dont you just LOVE how you fell in love with someone just like you. its nice isnt it. while in long over you and blogging about you simply cause you pop in my life unwanted. im not the one sitting in front of a computer reading what a "kid" or a "gold digging whore" has to say about me. dont flatter yourself. oh yeah lets stick with the facts. in this month ive blogged about you simply to retell daily happenings in which youve popped up. i have never emailed you. i dont call unless its on behalf of mikey or to tell you to fuck off. i aimed you thinking youre a changed person from the looks on your myspace. but that was a joke. seriously though. lets stick with the facts. i am the first girl taht has rejected you and that you got caught up with and taht you fell in love with and is FIVE years younger than you. and while it has been well over three months you still try to rebuild a friendship even though you are the same low life piece of shit. while im only 16 and my life is more straight than yours. it wasnt nice knowing you. but thanks for the experience. now im more cold than ever! at least you taught me not to give a fuck for those who treat you like shit. peace."
mike, i dont want to see you. i dont want to talk to you. i dotn want to be around you. the only connection we have with eachother is that it SO HAPPENS, that you are friends with MY BEST FRIEND. oh, and that plastered smile? it was so i would stop myself from puking all over you from seeing your face cause simply, you disgust me.
oh and secondly, dont try to belittle me just becuase you may speak intellectually, because really. you are the reason why i dont give cute guys a chance, because even though you "look good" your personality is like shit! and dont hear it from me, you can hear it from mikey as well.
thirdly, those people who talk about me to my bestfriend are people that are nothng in my life, and will have no affect on my future, so what they say, i could care less.
REMEMBER THIS MIKE, people may talk about me, say all they want, talk all their shit, and hate me for all i care, BUT I WILL NEVER BE ALONE. I WILL NEVER GO A DAY WITHOUT SOMEONE WHO DONEST LOVE ME OR WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME OR ISNT THERE FOR ME. because though i am hated by many, i have those very few who love me a lot, and thats what counts. I WILL NEVER BE ALONE LIKE YOU. although i am just like you, in the sense that im too prideful to lower myself to someone like you, i am NOTHING like you. remember that discussion? when i was laying with you, telling you you arent alone, cause of me. well now, im not there anymore. so just a reminder mike, stop pushing the people who care about you out of your life by makign them "jump through rings of fire" - remember that blog? hmm, seems like, not much as changed. the things you say to people, it matters. just like all the "fuck yous" youve said to mikey. just like all the bullshit screaming and yelling to me about how i made you an option and how i didnt care. dont give me that bullshit, when you knew i cared about you, more than i should of. so dont give other people that bullshit. especially those who love you.
i have nothing to say to you. i dont want anything to do with you. leave me alone. and let me live my life, undisturbed. dont show up at my work uninvited cause "you want to see my face" or come over to my house uninvited expecting me to talk to you. stop trying to push the matter anymore. cause im done. ive been done. ever since the day i walked away from your face full of tears, twice.
bye mike, i have nothing more to say to you or about you. ive expressed enough of my feelings on this computer, but not as much as i have said to your face also. dont forget all those time i told you how i felt. im not trying to "muster" my feelings behind the "safety of my keyboard". ive said it, yelled it, argued about it with you plenty of times before. im done with you. you are my past, and i want you to stay there, forever.
when i DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
oh, and im pretty damn sure he reads this shit. maybe that way, he'll get a clue.
so, today, he texts me this.
"the broadcasting of your negative views are so entertaining, you should work in hollywood! insults aside, i want you to know that i genuinely intended to squash shit and cease communication with you, but ive decided that your predictability is too fun to leave alone. oh, the look on your face was classic! and if only you had the audacity to muster all of the heinous adjectives and explicatives as rendered form the safety of a keyboard rahter than your nercously plastered smile, i would laugh hysterically at your narrow scope of thought. because while i already know im an asshole, you still wonder why youre a rumored harlot! i wont be spiteful thought, lets stick to the facts, shall we? in the last month youve called, imed, emailed, blogged and texted me. (bullshit) now with all of this attention, how could i not reciprocate just a bit of it? my point exactly. oh and when you get this, try not to rant to mikey about it. he hears enough about you from everyone else. toodles."
and in response i said,
"thats nice, idgaf. you mean nothing ot me anymore and while ive moved on youre sitting here trying to rebuild a friendship with me when im trying to make it clear that i dont want anything to do with you. you will never understand what you put me through even though you got a taste of your own medicine, me. dont you just LOVE how you fell in love with someone just like you. its nice isnt it. while in long over you and blogging about you simply cause you pop in my life unwanted. im not the one sitting in front of a computer reading what a "kid" or a "gold digging whore" has to say about me. dont flatter yourself. oh yeah lets stick with the facts. in this month ive blogged about you simply to retell daily happenings in which youve popped up. i have never emailed you. i dont call unless its on behalf of mikey or to tell you to fuck off. i aimed you thinking youre a changed person from the looks on your myspace. but that was a joke. seriously though. lets stick with the facts. i am the first girl taht has rejected you and that you got caught up with and taht you fell in love with and is FIVE years younger than you. and while it has been well over three months you still try to rebuild a friendship even though you are the same low life piece of shit. while im only 16 and my life is more straight than yours. it wasnt nice knowing you. but thanks for the experience. now im more cold than ever! at least you taught me not to give a fuck for those who treat you like shit. peace."
mike, i dont want to see you. i dont want to talk to you. i dotn want to be around you. the only connection we have with eachother is that it SO HAPPENS, that you are friends with MY BEST FRIEND. oh, and that plastered smile? it was so i would stop myself from puking all over you from seeing your face cause simply, you disgust me.
oh and secondly, dont try to belittle me just becuase you may speak intellectually, because really. you are the reason why i dont give cute guys a chance, because even though you "look good" your personality is like shit! and dont hear it from me, you can hear it from mikey as well.
thirdly, those people who talk about me to my bestfriend are people that are nothng in my life, and will have no affect on my future, so what they say, i could care less.
REMEMBER THIS MIKE, people may talk about me, say all they want, talk all their shit, and hate me for all i care, BUT I WILL NEVER BE ALONE. I WILL NEVER GO A DAY WITHOUT SOMEONE WHO DONEST LOVE ME OR WHO DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME OR ISNT THERE FOR ME. because though i am hated by many, i have those very few who love me a lot, and thats what counts. I WILL NEVER BE ALONE LIKE YOU. although i am just like you, in the sense that im too prideful to lower myself to someone like you, i am NOTHING like you. remember that discussion? when i was laying with you, telling you you arent alone, cause of me. well now, im not there anymore. so just a reminder mike, stop pushing the people who care about you out of your life by makign them "jump through rings of fire" - remember that blog? hmm, seems like, not much as changed. the things you say to people, it matters. just like all the "fuck yous" youve said to mikey. just like all the bullshit screaming and yelling to me about how i made you an option and how i didnt care. dont give me that bullshit, when you knew i cared about you, more than i should of. so dont give other people that bullshit. especially those who love you.
i have nothing to say to you. i dont want anything to do with you. leave me alone. and let me live my life, undisturbed. dont show up at my work uninvited cause "you want to see my face" or come over to my house uninvited expecting me to talk to you. stop trying to push the matter anymore. cause im done. ive been done. ever since the day i walked away from your face full of tears, twice.
bye mike, i have nothing more to say to you or about you. ive expressed enough of my feelings on this computer, but not as much as i have said to your face also. dont forget all those time i told you how i felt. im not trying to "muster" my feelings behind the "safety of my keyboard". ive said it, yelled it, argued about it with you plenty of times before. im done with you. you are my past, and i want you to stay there, forever.
Monday, December 29, 2008
MDR;
favoriteJERK (11:23:40 PM): hey kid
favoriteJERK (11:23:44 PM): dont flatter yourself
favoriteJERK (11:23:47 PM): i was being civil
favoriteJERK (11:23:52 PM): but if you wna talk shit, fuck you
favoriteJERK (11:23:57 PM): punk bitch
favoriteJERK (11:24:01 PM): grow up
favoriteJERK (11:24:09 PM): peace
x l i n d a (11:27:59 PM): i dont like to associate myself with those who will not benefit me in any way. you will do nothing but cause more drama in my life. also knowing that you havent learned or realized what youve done and did to me, whytf should i care. you may be five years older than me but in reality, you are nothing more than that piece of brown crap that floats in my toilet.
than, after that i blocked him. hahaha, shit like this kinda makes me laugh but mad at the same time.
the type of person he is, he is just trying to be-little me because he is still pissed that he got rejected by a 16 year old, cause i know, hes not use to that. (being the cocky and selfcentered type of person he is) he is just going to continue to say all this shit to me, to try to make me feel low and what not, cause he is pissed off that i dotn want anything to do with him anymore. i guess it sucks to be in love with someone who thinks nothing of you. whatever. hes just being the typical mike. an asshole. i just got off the phone with my best friend mikey, and basically we were talking about it, and mikeys right. and everythign i said above, mikey said it too, and agreed. cause it really just comes down to the fact that, he really hurt me. so i left. he hates the fact that he fell in love with someone "just like him" - cause im too prideful of myself to call him or try to talk to him again, cause i know, im better off without him and better than him to be exact. cause i dont need people like that in my life. who dont appreciate me, use me, and treat me like shit, the first time around. and after that, there are no more second chances. what he said, is what he said, and no sorry is going to take that back. it just makes me mad, how he could talk all this mad shit about me, even after ALL the things i did for him, all the things i put before him, all the things i put myself through for him. all of it. went down the drain, because of his conceited, bipolar, inconsiderate, using, selfish asshole.
i should stop here. all that are reading this right now, probably dont understand, but if you really want to know what happend, just ask. ill be glad to tell you all the stories about my experiance with the biggest asshole i know.
favoriteJERK (11:23:44 PM): dont flatter yourself
favoriteJERK (11:23:47 PM): i was being civil
favoriteJERK (11:23:52 PM): but if you wna talk shit, fuck you
favoriteJERK (11:23:57 PM): punk bitch
favoriteJERK (11:24:01 PM): grow up
favoriteJERK (11:24:09 PM): peace
x l i n d a (11:27:59 PM): i dont like to associate myself with those who will not benefit me in any way. you will do nothing but cause more drama in my life. also knowing that you havent learned or realized what youve done and did to me, whytf should i care. you may be five years older than me but in reality, you are nothing more than that piece of brown crap that floats in my toilet.
than, after that i blocked him. hahaha, shit like this kinda makes me laugh but mad at the same time.
the type of person he is, he is just trying to be-little me because he is still pissed that he got rejected by a 16 year old, cause i know, hes not use to that. (being the cocky and selfcentered type of person he is) he is just going to continue to say all this shit to me, to try to make me feel low and what not, cause he is pissed off that i dotn want anything to do with him anymore. i guess it sucks to be in love with someone who thinks nothing of you. whatever. hes just being the typical mike. an asshole. i just got off the phone with my best friend mikey, and basically we were talking about it, and mikeys right. and everythign i said above, mikey said it too, and agreed. cause it really just comes down to the fact that, he really hurt me. so i left. he hates the fact that he fell in love with someone "just like him" - cause im too prideful of myself to call him or try to talk to him again, cause i know, im better off without him and better than him to be exact. cause i dont need people like that in my life. who dont appreciate me, use me, and treat me like shit, the first time around. and after that, there are no more second chances. what he said, is what he said, and no sorry is going to take that back. it just makes me mad, how he could talk all this mad shit about me, even after ALL the things i did for him, all the things i put before him, all the things i put myself through for him. all of it. went down the drain, because of his conceited, bipolar, inconsiderate, using, selfish asshole.
i should stop here. all that are reading this right now, probably dont understand, but if you really want to know what happend, just ask. ill be glad to tell you all the stories about my experiance with the biggest asshole i know.
chung kim;
chung kim is like the coolest nigg i know!
chung (1:31:15 AM): she thinks im funny :]
chung (1:31:18 AM): i love making her laugh
chung (1:31:34 AM): like shell just laugh when i dont even try to be funny and i just love hearing her laugh ya know?
chung (1:31:40 AM): it like makes my day
chung (1:31:43 AM): just seeing her laugh
chung (1:31:52 AM): gahd i sound like a fag sometimes
chung (1:31:53 AM): lol
x l i n d a (1:33:30 AM): omg
x l i n d a (1:33:32 AM): that
x l i n d a (1:33:32 AM): was
x l i n d a (1:33:33 AM): so
x l i n d a (1:33:34 AM): sweet
^^^^^ i need a boy with a mentality like that.
chung (1:31:15 AM): she thinks im funny :]
chung (1:31:18 AM): i love making her laugh
chung (1:31:34 AM): like shell just laugh when i dont even try to be funny and i just love hearing her laugh ya know?
chung (1:31:40 AM): it like makes my day
chung (1:31:43 AM): just seeing her laugh
chung (1:31:52 AM): gahd i sound like a fag sometimes
chung (1:31:53 AM): lol
x l i n d a (1:33:30 AM): omg
x l i n d a (1:33:32 AM): that
x l i n d a (1:33:32 AM): was
x l i n d a (1:33:33 AM): so
x l i n d a (1:33:34 AM): sweet
^^^^^ i need a boy with a mentality like that.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
last night ; this morning; other shit.
i woke up, about two hours ago. i was pretty tired. but then again, i just didnt want to wake up. now, i feel and look like shit. and im hungry. im listening to the profile song on my blog, and its pretty sad. but anyways, i just thought id blog, since i havent for a couple of days.
THE PAST FEW DAYS- LAST NIGHT;
well, i already blogged about what i did on christmas, or what happened at least. but yeah, after that whole dilemma, aaron invited me to his moms side of the family's house. and we just ate dinner there, and left. i hung out with tommy on friday. we just chilled at ate. as usual. then, saturday night, dennis gave me and mikey a ride to this party. which didnt start till about like 930, cause everyone was just standing around. we left around 12, since i guess, it was over. i was sweating like a pig. it was SOO hot in that house. there were a couple of times where the party stopped because someone lost a phone or something, or like, the music would stop and play. i was dancing for the most parts of that night. there was this one part, where i was dancing with james against the wall with james, i think it was one of those slow songs, idr, and like, this guy asked me to dance first, but like james kinda stepped in and like went behind me, and we started dancing, and then that dude, just like moved james out of the way and tried to start dancing with me. i turned around and was like "Wtf?" and james walked away i think. but i guess they were homies or w/e. so yeah. OH and like, there was this dude that i was dancing with, like he was grabbing me all over. and i was like "umm, okay?" until he like, put his hands on my vagina (i dont know if that was an accident or not) and i like, stopped dancing with him. i wasnt drunk, just a little buzzed. i drank some stuff, that tasted like juice. i didnt even know what it was. i think one of my home girls bree gave it to me. but yeahhh. i was dancing with this guy named scott near the end of the night as he was leaning about the couch. OH, i saw adam! lol. he was rolling. HAHA. but yeah, i finally met mikeys boyfriend. he is soooo cute! ahhaha. Oh, and fucking mikey told me i should "slide that bitch" whom was at the party. and i was like nooo, that would be bad, cause we would end up bitch fighting all over the place, and it would cause LOTS of drama. anyways, i met a guy named tony, and larry, and one of dennis' cousin? i think it was his cousin. OH and i met stacey and donna for the first time. but yeah. towards the very end of the night, fucking ____ did something. and i was like "whoaaa!?" i guess i could of expected it, but like, not all that soon. i think he did like, three times. the third time, it was more umm. how would you say it, serious? but not like really serious, cause it was like for two seconds. haha i felt like a little kid again. getting all giggle and shy and blushing and shit, ierno. the alcohol couldve affected me. but yeah, i cant deny that i didnt like it. but then again, idk how i felt about it. its like, i wanted more, but then again, thats bad. idk, im confused in that whole general area about guys. idk what i want. i feel confused. whatever. anyways, after that, dennis and i went to the hookah bar, and he had to leave so niko ended up taking me home. i got around four. we ate a burrito before i got home. which was pretty damn good. had some good conversations with niko and that other guy, whose name i forgot (since im bad with names). oh yeah, there was this really cute filipino guy that was sitting next to me at the hookah bar. but hes 23. lmfao! all i remember was his middle name? was philip. i think. idk, i forgot to ask. he did give me his screen name, but then again, i didnt write it down. so yeah.
THIS MORNING
i woke up to ten text messages, and like three missed calls. i answered all of them. and yeah, i ended up sleeping for a bit more, with the occassional break from my nap to reply to the text messages i recieved. tony (the guy i met last night) and chung texted me the most. damn, chung is fucking hilarious. i got up around five, and have been using the computer since then.
hmm, i feel as if im forgetting something to blog about.
OH yeah, i missed the fucking deadline for the fee waiver for SATS. now i have to pay like 90 bucks for that crap. DAMNIT!
and the other day, when i was with tommy, i remember talking to him about _____ and why he has been calling me. and he told me how like ____ was realizing what a great thing he lost and what not. awwww (: that made me smile. but yeah, about that topic. it was really nice to hear. tommy is probably one of my closest homeboys. and im so glad. he is always (OMG, speak of the devil. __ just called. LMFAO) - there for me, andlistens to all my bullshit and problems. and he sees past all the rumors and shit he hears. he took time to get to know me and understand me. which didnt take long. but yeah.
oh another thing. MICHAEL DELOSREYES. so, i bumped into him, when he popped out of no where at my work. i didnt really wanna see him. so, if you dont already know, ive had history with this guy. and we left off on a bad note, on his terms. and basically, hes pretty cool with mikey (my best friend) and they hang out and stuff, which i dont mind at all. but, everytime i see him, i get annoyed and feel disgusted and uncomfortable. i just LOVEEE how he just wants to fix things and make things all better, by acting like nothing had happend. as if he forgot all that SHIT he fucking put me through. -_______- i was talkign to mikey about it, i believe this morning, and i told him (in response to him saying how mike is trying to rebuild a friendship with me )" no thanks.im straight. dont need another piece of shit luggage dragging me down..again." and thats all i really have to say to mike. IDGAF if he reads this either, because CLEARLY he STILL DOES NOT UNDERSTAND what he did to me and put me through. usually, im the forgiving type and i give second chances out fairly easily, but with him, im so cold hearted now, i cant simply forgive and forget what he did. what just bugs me, is how he is trying to rebuild a friendship, when i know, he doesnt understand what he did to me, and by that, his sorries are invalid to me, and are worth shit. i would go on and on about why i hate his guts, but i might say some pretty vulgar shit. so ill stop here.
Oh yeah. my computer is being GAY. like,images wont show up. and all isee is a blank box.
-_____-
THE PAST FEW DAYS- LAST NIGHT;
well, i already blogged about what i did on christmas, or what happened at least. but yeah, after that whole dilemma, aaron invited me to his moms side of the family's house. and we just ate dinner there, and left. i hung out with tommy on friday. we just chilled at ate. as usual. then, saturday night, dennis gave me and mikey a ride to this party. which didnt start till about like 930, cause everyone was just standing around. we left around 12, since i guess, it was over. i was sweating like a pig. it was SOO hot in that house. there were a couple of times where the party stopped because someone lost a phone or something, or like, the music would stop and play. i was dancing for the most parts of that night. there was this one part, where i was dancing with james against the wall with james, i think it was one of those slow songs, idr, and like, this guy asked me to dance first, but like james kinda stepped in and like went behind me, and we started dancing, and then that dude, just like moved james out of the way and tried to start dancing with me. i turned around and was like "Wtf?" and james walked away i think. but i guess they were homies or w/e. so yeah. OH and like, there was this dude that i was dancing with, like he was grabbing me all over. and i was like "umm, okay?" until he like, put his hands on my vagina (i dont know if that was an accident or not) and i like, stopped dancing with him. i wasnt drunk, just a little buzzed. i drank some stuff, that tasted like juice. i didnt even know what it was. i think one of my home girls bree gave it to me. but yeahhh. i was dancing with this guy named scott near the end of the night as he was leaning about the couch. OH, i saw adam! lol. he was rolling. HAHA. but yeah, i finally met mikeys boyfriend. he is soooo cute! ahhaha. Oh, and fucking mikey told me i should "slide that bitch" whom was at the party. and i was like nooo, that would be bad, cause we would end up bitch fighting all over the place, and it would cause LOTS of drama. anyways, i met a guy named tony, and larry, and one of dennis' cousin? i think it was his cousin. OH and i met stacey and donna for the first time. but yeah. towards the very end of the night, fucking ____ did something. and i was like "whoaaa!?" i guess i could of expected it, but like, not all that soon. i think he did like, three times. the third time, it was more umm. how would you say it, serious? but not like really serious, cause it was like for two seconds. haha i felt like a little kid again. getting all giggle and shy and blushing and shit, ierno. the alcohol couldve affected me. but yeah, i cant deny that i didnt like it. but then again, idk how i felt about it. its like, i wanted more, but then again, thats bad. idk, im confused in that whole general area about guys. idk what i want. i feel confused. whatever. anyways, after that, dennis and i went to the hookah bar, and he had to leave so niko ended up taking me home. i got around four. we ate a burrito before i got home. which was pretty damn good. had some good conversations with niko and that other guy, whose name i forgot (since im bad with names). oh yeah, there was this really cute filipino guy that was sitting next to me at the hookah bar. but hes 23. lmfao! all i remember was his middle name? was philip. i think. idk, i forgot to ask. he did give me his screen name, but then again, i didnt write it down. so yeah.
THIS MORNING
i woke up to ten text messages, and like three missed calls. i answered all of them. and yeah, i ended up sleeping for a bit more, with the occassional break from my nap to reply to the text messages i recieved. tony (the guy i met last night) and chung texted me the most. damn, chung is fucking hilarious. i got up around five, and have been using the computer since then.
hmm, i feel as if im forgetting something to blog about.
OH yeah, i missed the fucking deadline for the fee waiver for SATS. now i have to pay like 90 bucks for that crap. DAMNIT!
and the other day, when i was with tommy, i remember talking to him about _____ and why he has been calling me. and he told me how like ____ was realizing what a great thing he lost and what not. awwww (: that made me smile. but yeah, about that topic. it was really nice to hear. tommy is probably one of my closest homeboys. and im so glad. he is always (OMG, speak of the devil. __ just called. LMFAO) - there for me, andlistens to all my bullshit and problems. and he sees past all the rumors and shit he hears. he took time to get to know me and understand me. which didnt take long. but yeah.
oh another thing. MICHAEL DELOSREYES. so, i bumped into him, when he popped out of no where at my work. i didnt really wanna see him. so, if you dont already know, ive had history with this guy. and we left off on a bad note, on his terms. and basically, hes pretty cool with mikey (my best friend) and they hang out and stuff, which i dont mind at all. but, everytime i see him, i get annoyed and feel disgusted and uncomfortable. i just LOVEEE how he just wants to fix things and make things all better, by acting like nothing had happend. as if he forgot all that SHIT he fucking put me through. -_______- i was talkign to mikey about it, i believe this morning, and i told him (in response to him saying how mike is trying to rebuild a friendship with me )" no thanks.im straight. dont need another piece of shit luggage dragging me down..again." and thats all i really have to say to mike. IDGAF if he reads this either, because CLEARLY he STILL DOES NOT UNDERSTAND what he did to me and put me through. usually, im the forgiving type and i give second chances out fairly easily, but with him, im so cold hearted now, i cant simply forgive and forget what he did. what just bugs me, is how he is trying to rebuild a friendship, when i know, he doesnt understand what he did to me, and by that, his sorries are invalid to me, and are worth shit. i would go on and on about why i hate his guts, but i might say some pretty vulgar shit. so ill stop here.
Oh yeah. my computer is being GAY. like,images wont show up. and all isee is a blank box.
-_____-
Thursday, December 25, 2008
my dad ; song made up.
has the nerve to fucking yell, cuss, scream all that shit to me about a fucking toilet on christmas. even after i got him something as a gift, he still has the fucking nerve to say shit like "why the fuck did you get me something for christmas blah blah blah blah" -_____________-
and yeah, so he was fucking screaming at me and saying stuff like "dont call me dad anymore" "i dont ever want to talk to your stupid ass anymore" "fuck you blah blah blah" and all that good stuff. because of a FUCKING TOILET.
how lovely. makes me LOVE christmas even more. -__________________-
i bit off the rhythm of "runaway love" by ludacris.
now little lindas only 12yrs old
shes steady tryna figure out why the world is so cold
living w/ a family as it slowly falls apart
no one really cares about her little broken heart
cause mommy n daddy never seem to want to listen
always damn occupied fighting, all up in the kitchen
things get worse as her momma decides to leave
shes left with nothing but a heart that bleeds
&now lindas stuck up in this world on her own
forced to think that hell is a place called home
nothing else to do but get some clothes & pack
she says shes about to run away & never come back
now little lindas only 16yrs old
shes steady tryna figure out what the world is so cold
things fall apart as her grades start dropping
loud cries at night, got her older sister knocking
shes tired of all the pain and suffereing inside
teachers start asking questions, she knows she cant hide.
wondering why all this bullshit seems to surround her
people always running their mouth, acting like they know her
&now lindas stuck up in this world on her own
forced to think that hell is a place called home
nothing else to do but get some clothes & pack
she says shes about to run away & never come back
and yeah, so he was fucking screaming at me and saying stuff like "dont call me dad anymore" "i dont ever want to talk to your stupid ass anymore" "fuck you blah blah blah" and all that good stuff. because of a FUCKING TOILET.
how lovely. makes me LOVE christmas even more. -__________________-
i bit off the rhythm of "runaway love" by ludacris.
now little lindas only 12yrs old
shes steady tryna figure out why the world is so cold
living w/ a family as it slowly falls apart
no one really cares about her little broken heart
cause mommy n daddy never seem to want to listen
always damn occupied fighting, all up in the kitchen
things get worse as her momma decides to leave
shes left with nothing but a heart that bleeds
&now lindas stuck up in this world on her own
forced to think that hell is a place called home
nothing else to do but get some clothes & pack
she says shes about to run away & never come back
now little lindas only 16yrs old
shes steady tryna figure out what the world is so cold
things fall apart as her grades start dropping
loud cries at night, got her older sister knocking
shes tired of all the pain and suffereing inside
teachers start asking questions, she knows she cant hide.
wondering why all this bullshit seems to surround her
people always running their mouth, acting like they know her
&now lindas stuck up in this world on her own
forced to think that hell is a place called home
nothing else to do but get some clothes & pack
she says shes about to run away & never come back
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
father. broken family. me.
currently, my hands are frozen so dont mind the typos and what not.
its these times throughout the year that really makes me think a lot about all that i have been through throughout my life, by myself and with my "family". i look all around and see families, getting together, sharing these special holidays together, as a family. but yeah, i dont think any of you really want to read a sob story, so ill try not to sound like a selfish, whiny brat.
so, as i was saying, its times during the year, such as christmas, where families get together and share the holidays together. i dont have that. from the longest that i can remember, my family has always been "broken." growing up watching my older siblings like my brother slack off in school, getting into trouble, and my sister, lying and decieving my parents.. i never really "looked up" to anyone in my family. as far back as i can remember, i use to remember my parents always fighting, about almost the same issue. money. they would yell and scream at eachother and i would stand there, by their feet, crying. wondering why they were arguing. i was probably 8 or 9 then. years go by, and my father, was not the nicest man out there. from the way he treated my mom, to how he treated my sister, and now, how he treats me. constant yelling, cussing, threatening and "down" talking all three of us. i use to cry all the time, for my mother. i use to cry all the time, for my sister. and now, i cry all the time for myself.
when i was 11/12, my mom left. she moved away to new orleans. this was right after my sister had turned 18. that age, i didnt understand. i remember when i was younger, i use to write in my diaries, the multiple ones that i still have, crying and writing, about how i hated my life and how i hated my mom for leaving me. i didnt understand why. i re-read those diaries back then now, but i can hardly make out what i wrote, not because it is illegible, but because the pen marks are all smudged by my tears i cried when i was younger. after a few years go by, i began to understand, why my mom left. by then, i grew this cold heart towards my dad. i was disgusted with him. with everything he has done, and everything he has said. as i grew up, i felt alone. my sister being 7 years older than i am, and my brother being 12 years older, everyone did their own thing. at least my older siblings did.
i remember in the sixth grade, when we use to have those awards ceromonies, i was the only student, whose mother wasnt frantically taking pictures, or whos father wasnt wistling at when my name was called. i would recieve my awards and look out into the audience, with no one to smile at. all my friends and teachers would ask where my family was at, but i always told them, "oh, they're all working" or "oh, they're busy" but in reality, my father was probably talking to his wife in vietnam on the phone at home, and my sister was probably off with her boyfriend, and my brother was probably staring at the computer screen playing WOW. then, middle school came. same thing. only my sister went to my "promotion." and now highschool, all the awards ive recieved and earned for the past years for being on the "principals honor roll" since freshman year, to recieving MVP for volleyball or playing all these different sports.. not once have one of my family members come to watch meplay volleyball or softball or to congratulate me for all the awards ive recieved.. not once.
sometimes i think to myself, why the fuck do i do all this shit. why the hell do i try so hard in school and put myself through so much stress with all these extra curricular activities . there has been so many times, where i just wanted to give up. but, times like this throughout the year, just remind me that, i never ever, want my child to feel as if they had no one to run to, like i did. i never want my kid to have to go through the pain of living with a broken family who dont know the meaning of thanksgiving or christmas or mothers day or fathers day. i dont want my child, to feel lost, like i do.
no one ever told me i had to do well in school. no one told me it was great to get a 4.0. no one ever told me wrong from right. no one ever told me about love. no one ever told me about sex. no one ever told me about guys. no one ever told me i needed a job. no one ever told me, i NEEDED TO BE INDEPENDENT. i did it all on my own, decided it all on my own, and got through with it all on my own.
but one this is for sure, that i learned everything from the mistakes of my own sister and brother and the things i came to realize from the relationship between my mom and dad. im sixteen now, and its been four years, since my mom had left, and its now, that i feel as if my sister and my brother exist or care. i talk to my sister now and again, as well as my brother.
dont get me wrong, i am grateful, for even having a family. but sometimes i wonder, if they know that i exisit. sometimes i wonder, if my dad even knows how old i am. (cause the last time i checked, he thought i was 18). sometimes i wonder, if all of this will be worth it.
maybe its just me being a whiny baby. but if i could tell you, and if you would listen, to the things that i have gone through, maybe, your views of me would change. because im NOT a typical spoiled selfish party animal or "ap student". im so much more than that.
i love my family, no matter what. but, i jsut hope, for all those whose family are loving and supportive, for them to be grateful for that. cause that is something that i have lacked in my life. and its something, that i always wished ive had.
i could go into more detail or explain more about why times like these during the year make me sad, but its a waste. ill blog about it later. when i feel emo again.
its these times throughout the year that really makes me think a lot about all that i have been through throughout my life, by myself and with my "family". i look all around and see families, getting together, sharing these special holidays together, as a family. but yeah, i dont think any of you really want to read a sob story, so ill try not to sound like a selfish, whiny brat.
so, as i was saying, its times during the year, such as christmas, where families get together and share the holidays together. i dont have that. from the longest that i can remember, my family has always been "broken." growing up watching my older siblings like my brother slack off in school, getting into trouble, and my sister, lying and decieving my parents.. i never really "looked up" to anyone in my family. as far back as i can remember, i use to remember my parents always fighting, about almost the same issue. money. they would yell and scream at eachother and i would stand there, by their feet, crying. wondering why they were arguing. i was probably 8 or 9 then. years go by, and my father, was not the nicest man out there. from the way he treated my mom, to how he treated my sister, and now, how he treats me. constant yelling, cussing, threatening and "down" talking all three of us. i use to cry all the time, for my mother. i use to cry all the time, for my sister. and now, i cry all the time for myself.
when i was 11/12, my mom left. she moved away to new orleans. this was right after my sister had turned 18. that age, i didnt understand. i remember when i was younger, i use to write in my diaries, the multiple ones that i still have, crying and writing, about how i hated my life and how i hated my mom for leaving me. i didnt understand why. i re-read those diaries back then now, but i can hardly make out what i wrote, not because it is illegible, but because the pen marks are all smudged by my tears i cried when i was younger. after a few years go by, i began to understand, why my mom left. by then, i grew this cold heart towards my dad. i was disgusted with him. with everything he has done, and everything he has said. as i grew up, i felt alone. my sister being 7 years older than i am, and my brother being 12 years older, everyone did their own thing. at least my older siblings did.
i remember in the sixth grade, when we use to have those awards ceromonies, i was the only student, whose mother wasnt frantically taking pictures, or whos father wasnt wistling at when my name was called. i would recieve my awards and look out into the audience, with no one to smile at. all my friends and teachers would ask where my family was at, but i always told them, "oh, they're all working" or "oh, they're busy" but in reality, my father was probably talking to his wife in vietnam on the phone at home, and my sister was probably off with her boyfriend, and my brother was probably staring at the computer screen playing WOW. then, middle school came. same thing. only my sister went to my "promotion." and now highschool, all the awards ive recieved and earned for the past years for being on the "principals honor roll" since freshman year, to recieving MVP for volleyball or playing all these different sports.. not once have one of my family members come to watch meplay volleyball or softball or to congratulate me for all the awards ive recieved.. not once.
sometimes i think to myself, why the fuck do i do all this shit. why the hell do i try so hard in school and put myself through so much stress with all these extra curricular activities . there has been so many times, where i just wanted to give up. but, times like this throughout the year, just remind me that, i never ever, want my child to feel as if they had no one to run to, like i did. i never want my kid to have to go through the pain of living with a broken family who dont know the meaning of thanksgiving or christmas or mothers day or fathers day. i dont want my child, to feel lost, like i do.
no one ever told me i had to do well in school. no one told me it was great to get a 4.0. no one ever told me wrong from right. no one ever told me about love. no one ever told me about sex. no one ever told me about guys. no one ever told me i needed a job. no one ever told me, i NEEDED TO BE INDEPENDENT. i did it all on my own, decided it all on my own, and got through with it all on my own.
but one this is for sure, that i learned everything from the mistakes of my own sister and brother and the things i came to realize from the relationship between my mom and dad. im sixteen now, and its been four years, since my mom had left, and its now, that i feel as if my sister and my brother exist or care. i talk to my sister now and again, as well as my brother.
dont get me wrong, i am grateful, for even having a family. but sometimes i wonder, if they know that i exisit. sometimes i wonder, if my dad even knows how old i am. (cause the last time i checked, he thought i was 18). sometimes i wonder, if all of this will be worth it.
maybe its just me being a whiny baby. but if i could tell you, and if you would listen, to the things that i have gone through, maybe, your views of me would change. because im NOT a typical spoiled selfish party animal or "ap student". im so much more than that.
i love my family, no matter what. but, i jsut hope, for all those whose family are loving and supportive, for them to be grateful for that. cause that is something that i have lacked in my life. and its something, that i always wished ive had.
i could go into more detail or explain more about why times like these during the year make me sad, but its a waste. ill blog about it later. when i feel emo again.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
lip.
so, basically, my lip feels SOOO much better. its ridiculous. like, it healed instantly when i went to go take it out.
yesterday, i was driving all around san diego (Literally) to go shopping and what not. then i was still tripping out on my lip, so i call some people and ask them where i should go to take a look at.
so, im driving down garnet, and i was gonna go to a piercing parlor by this hookah shop called sin bads, but i saw enigma first, and one of my homegirls tati, got all her shit done there and said their pretty legit. so then like, i walk in and im waiting for a bit and i talk to one of the piercers and i tell her my problem. she told me she would be able to pop the backing out and stuff, and said it will hurt and what not. so, basically im freaking the hell out, cause im SOO bad with pain =/ and another thing is, they werent gonna numb it when they took it out, and if you actually saw my lip in person, it was pretty fucking bad. like, i would flip my lip down and you would only see pink, no silver at all. so the lady said she would be right with me. so im waiting. and then, she said she was ready for me. my heart is pounding like a bitch cause i was so scared. so i laid down on the bed thing, and she takes a look at it. she told me she was going to put some pressure on it, and that bitch HURT. my eyes started tearing up, and i was basically crying. i knew it was going to hurt a lot cause the night before, i tried doing it myself, and like make a hole where i knew the backing was, but it was too painful i couldnt do it. but anyways, she continues to apply a lot of pressure on it.. and trust me, it was hurting BAD. it was like, she was trying to pierce my lip, except she couldnt get the needle through, so she had to apply a lot of pressure on it. oh, she didnt use a needle or anything, she just held the ball with her thumb, flipped my lip down, and applied A LOT of pressure on it. i felt a pop, and i tasted blood. but it wasnt over. she said she saw some of the backing but had to apple more pressure to get it fully out. so, the pain began again.. it felt like FOREVER till she got it out. and this time, it hurt 128904310984 times more. then finally, there was a bigger pop and a bigger splash of blood in my mouth. the backing was out. i was groaning and like moaning in pain the whole time, cause i would scream or talk since i didnt want to move while she held onto my lip. then i told her to just take it out, cause i didnt want to deal with that shit anymore.
*sighhh, so now, its out. i can eat a burrito normally now. its not swollen or it doesnt feel like theres a hard rock inside my lip. and that spot is starting to scab. thats about it. but seriously, that was such a bitch to have, cause it started to get painful after a week, since my lip started to swell. the piercing lady said that its prolly that i was allergic to that cheap metal and stuff. and the person who pierced it, pierced it at an angle which made it worse.
but enough of that, im tired. nap time.
yesterday, i was driving all around san diego (Literally) to go shopping and what not. then i was still tripping out on my lip, so i call some people and ask them where i should go to take a look at.
so, im driving down garnet, and i was gonna go to a piercing parlor by this hookah shop called sin bads, but i saw enigma first, and one of my homegirls tati, got all her shit done there and said their pretty legit. so then like, i walk in and im waiting for a bit and i talk to one of the piercers and i tell her my problem. she told me she would be able to pop the backing out and stuff, and said it will hurt and what not. so, basically im freaking the hell out, cause im SOO bad with pain =/ and another thing is, they werent gonna numb it when they took it out, and if you actually saw my lip in person, it was pretty fucking bad. like, i would flip my lip down and you would only see pink, no silver at all. so the lady said she would be right with me. so im waiting. and then, she said she was ready for me. my heart is pounding like a bitch cause i was so scared. so i laid down on the bed thing, and she takes a look at it. she told me she was going to put some pressure on it, and that bitch HURT. my eyes started tearing up, and i was basically crying. i knew it was going to hurt a lot cause the night before, i tried doing it myself, and like make a hole where i knew the backing was, but it was too painful i couldnt do it. but anyways, she continues to apply a lot of pressure on it.. and trust me, it was hurting BAD. it was like, she was trying to pierce my lip, except she couldnt get the needle through, so she had to apply a lot of pressure on it. oh, she didnt use a needle or anything, she just held the ball with her thumb, flipped my lip down, and applied A LOT of pressure on it. i felt a pop, and i tasted blood. but it wasnt over. she said she saw some of the backing but had to apple more pressure to get it fully out. so, the pain began again.. it felt like FOREVER till she got it out. and this time, it hurt 128904310984 times more. then finally, there was a bigger pop and a bigger splash of blood in my mouth. the backing was out. i was groaning and like moaning in pain the whole time, cause i would scream or talk since i didnt want to move while she held onto my lip. then i told her to just take it out, cause i didnt want to deal with that shit anymore.
*sighhh, so now, its out. i can eat a burrito normally now. its not swollen or it doesnt feel like theres a hard rock inside my lip. and that spot is starting to scab. thats about it. but seriously, that was such a bitch to have, cause it started to get painful after a week, since my lip started to swell. the piercing lady said that its prolly that i was allergic to that cheap metal and stuff. and the person who pierced it, pierced it at an angle which made it worse.
but enough of that, im tired. nap time.
Monday, December 22, 2008
got them blog readers ; burrito.
dang, so today i remember i checked this mornign and i had like 33 views on my blog. now its like 53. i wonder who is THAT interested in my life, to go and read my blog. hmmm who knows. who cares.
i just got off of work. and me and chung are gonna go get a burrito. (: YUMM
i just got off of work. and me and chung are gonna go get a burrito. (: YUMM
Sunday, December 21, 2008
popped plans
so, after work yesterday, i took a nap since i was REALLY tired. i woke up to soo many text messages and missed calls so i texted those people back and tried to go to sleep, but then got woken up again by joseph who called me.
so, i was planning on hanging with tommy, since he got off at 11.. and like i was texting joseph and asked where he was at, and he told me he went to the function ! i was like "damnit! i wannnaa gooo! " but yeah, i didnt have a ride and was waiting for tommy. so, 11 oclock rolls by and tommy said it will be another 20-30 minutes so im like alright ill wait. and like 45 minutes roll by and i text him asking whats up, and he said it was really busy and stuff so i said, okay ill wait. one o clock rolls by and im still waiting... and i text him and basically, we establish that we werent going to chill. -__________-
yeahh.. that kinda annoyed me but whatever. so im like texting people during that whole incident of my waiting. rj wanted to go get a burrito but i said nah, and plus he fell asleep at like 1230. i didnt know he was 18. HAHHA. and then i text one of my good friends chung to see if he wanted a burrito, cause i was hungry by then, cause i didnt eat anything ALL DAY LONG. and he was with some friends. so i text adam. and basically, he comes to pick me up, and he was really tired and i felt bad for asking him to go get a burrito, but i bought his so its okay.
then i went home and knocked out.
so, i was planning on hanging with tommy, since he got off at 11.. and like i was texting joseph and asked where he was at, and he told me he went to the function ! i was like "damnit! i wannnaa gooo! " but yeah, i didnt have a ride and was waiting for tommy. so, 11 oclock rolls by and tommy said it will be another 20-30 minutes so im like alright ill wait. and like 45 minutes roll by and i text him asking whats up, and he said it was really busy and stuff so i said, okay ill wait. one o clock rolls by and im still waiting... and i text him and basically, we establish that we werent going to chill. -__________-
yeahh.. that kinda annoyed me but whatever. so im like texting people during that whole incident of my waiting. rj wanted to go get a burrito but i said nah, and plus he fell asleep at like 1230. i didnt know he was 18. HAHHA. and then i text one of my good friends chung to see if he wanted a burrito, cause i was hungry by then, cause i didnt eat anything ALL DAY LONG. and he was with some friends. so i text adam. and basically, he comes to pick me up, and he was really tired and i felt bad for asking him to go get a burrito, but i bought his so its okay.
then i went home and knocked out.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
doctors visit. last night. today.
DOCTORS VISIT:
oh man did that shit piss me off. so i went to the doctors, to wait for two hours, and then have them tell me i cant see the fucking doctor. and by this time, my lip is like THROBBING with pain and it was really uncomfortable for me. so, i go to my "usual" doctor, and the freaking lady told me he wouldnt be back for another hour. by then, i was crying cause i was in pain and i was pissed off. so i was calling all these numbers, like 1800-sandiego and that didnt work, so i called 411 and asked for walgreen's number. so i was talking to the pharmacist, i was more calm then, but just pissed. and i asked her what ishould do. luckily, she had experience with piercings so that was good. i told her about it, how it started to swell really bad that day, and kind of the day before that. and how there was puss and i could barely see the backing and blah blah blah. she told me what i needed, so i went to walgreens, after three hours leaving my house originally, and i talked to her in walgreens about it, and what i needed to do. and i got my medice crap. and yeah.
LAST NIGHT:
so i went with tommy and joseph to the swang gangs holiday bash thing. it was alright. they had drinks(jack, iiager, joose). and philip had some southern comfort, which was pretty good. the party got a little better towards the end. i was, of course, too shy to dance at first. and all that. and mr. philip was like grinding his cock on me the entire time and grabbing me and all that, trying to get me to dance with him. it was funny. but yeahh i wasnt into it yet. thennnn i started to get comfortable. apparentlyyy i was killing josephs "mood" or something. i was really happy. haha and talkative. i met some girls that i didnt really know, and conversated with them a bit and ending up kicking it with them on the dance floor as we.."did our thang" haha. i saw kevin there, and before he got high/drunk or w.e he took my hand and was like "lets go" and he moved me towards the dance floor, but angie was right there.. and i didnt want her to be pissed off at me (even more) and get all mad and stuff. sooo i didnt dance with kevin. bummer. cause he looked mighty cute too. HAHAH. anywaysss. i saw james too! haha, but that fool didnt dance with me. he was off doing something else. OH and JOSEPH didnt want to dance with me either. that pussy. i was tryinggg to get him to dance but he was like noo i dont want too etc etc. i gave like three girls a semi-lap dance. and i took down one of those girls' number cause she was pretty chill. umm, and then i sat on.. britt? or was it breanna? when she was like, on the edge of where everyone was dancing and started dancing on her. and thenn it was kind a blur. haha. dont worry, i wasnt shit faced or anything. umm, and then i started dancing more. but then, we left. cause i guess tommy wanted to leave. and yeahhh. after that we went to tap x, after tommy raced this s2k and smoked him. and supposedly josephy popped a boner from that. OMG i was dyingg when he said that. but he was lying (kinda) hahaha. and yeah, we went to tap x and i saw this really cute guy. and my buzzed ass, like opened the car down, stood up, and said "hey i think your cute" and their car was parked right next to ours. funny thing is, he is like 15 and his name is Baby! hahahaha. so we left tap x and they followed us, and i freaking tommy pulled up next to him and tried yelling my number out the window, at the same time he was trying to do the same. so tommy pulled over, gave him my number while i was hiding my face and blushing. and he gave me a piece of napkin with him name and number. he invited me to go see this break dancing comp. thing, but when i got home from work, i took a nap and woke up to like 365362086 text messages from people.
OH TO ADD ONTO LAST NIGHT:
oh my lorddd, i was like fucking with joseph the whole night. like, after we left the party, i was like hitting on joseph but in like a joking way. haha it was funny. i love grosssing him out, like telling him i need to take a shit or something when i really dont. HAHAHA. hes funny.
AFTER THE PARTY:
i got home, and mr. jet tirona called. i didnt expect that one. and i believe i knocked out on him. as usual, he was playing maple and talking to me about maple, but then i fell asleeep afterwards. i guess james tried to call me and text me but i was already asleep. i woke up like at 8:25 when i had work at 9. so i took a shower, blow dried my hair. and got my purse and left.
TODAY:
right now, im awake now, after my nap. my boss gave me a 25 dollar gift card from best buy and nordstrom. currently, my lip is a lot better, and you cant really tell my lip is swollen, unlike last night. im just waiting for tommy to get off at 11 so we can ccchhhiiilll. and i believe with joseph too.
peace.
oh man did that shit piss me off. so i went to the doctors, to wait for two hours, and then have them tell me i cant see the fucking doctor. and by this time, my lip is like THROBBING with pain and it was really uncomfortable for me. so, i go to my "usual" doctor, and the freaking lady told me he wouldnt be back for another hour. by then, i was crying cause i was in pain and i was pissed off. so i was calling all these numbers, like 1800-sandiego and that didnt work, so i called 411 and asked for walgreen's number. so i was talking to the pharmacist, i was more calm then, but just pissed. and i asked her what ishould do. luckily, she had experience with piercings so that was good. i told her about it, how it started to swell really bad that day, and kind of the day before that. and how there was puss and i could barely see the backing and blah blah blah. she told me what i needed, so i went to walgreens, after three hours leaving my house originally, and i talked to her in walgreens about it, and what i needed to do. and i got my medice crap. and yeah.
LAST NIGHT:
so i went with tommy and joseph to the swang gangs holiday bash thing. it was alright. they had drinks(jack, iiager, joose). and philip had some southern comfort, which was pretty good. the party got a little better towards the end. i was, of course, too shy to dance at first. and all that. and mr. philip was like grinding his cock on me the entire time and grabbing me and all that, trying to get me to dance with him. it was funny. but yeahh i wasnt into it yet. thennnn i started to get comfortable. apparentlyyy i was killing josephs "mood" or something. i was really happy. haha and talkative. i met some girls that i didnt really know, and conversated with them a bit and ending up kicking it with them on the dance floor as we.."did our thang" haha. i saw kevin there, and before he got high/drunk or w.e he took my hand and was like "lets go" and he moved me towards the dance floor, but angie was right there.. and i didnt want her to be pissed off at me (even more) and get all mad and stuff. sooo i didnt dance with kevin. bummer. cause he looked mighty cute too. HAHAH. anywaysss. i saw james too! haha, but that fool didnt dance with me. he was off doing something else. OH and JOSEPH didnt want to dance with me either. that pussy. i was tryinggg to get him to dance but he was like noo i dont want too etc etc. i gave like three girls a semi-lap dance. and i took down one of those girls' number cause she was pretty chill. umm, and then i sat on.. britt? or was it breanna? when she was like, on the edge of where everyone was dancing and started dancing on her. and thenn it was kind a blur. haha. dont worry, i wasnt shit faced or anything. umm, and then i started dancing more. but then, we left. cause i guess tommy wanted to leave. and yeahhh. after that we went to tap x, after tommy raced this s2k and smoked him. and supposedly josephy popped a boner from that. OMG i was dyingg when he said that. but he was lying (kinda) hahaha. and yeah, we went to tap x and i saw this really cute guy. and my buzzed ass, like opened the car down, stood up, and said "hey i think your cute" and their car was parked right next to ours. funny thing is, he is like 15 and his name is Baby! hahahaha. so we left tap x and they followed us, and i freaking tommy pulled up next to him and tried yelling my number out the window, at the same time he was trying to do the same. so tommy pulled over, gave him my number while i was hiding my face and blushing. and he gave me a piece of napkin with him name and number. he invited me to go see this break dancing comp. thing, but when i got home from work, i took a nap and woke up to like 365362086 text messages from people.
OH TO ADD ONTO LAST NIGHT:
oh my lorddd, i was like fucking with joseph the whole night. like, after we left the party, i was like hitting on joseph but in like a joking way. haha it was funny. i love grosssing him out, like telling him i need to take a shit or something when i really dont. HAHAHA. hes funny.
AFTER THE PARTY:
i got home, and mr. jet tirona called. i didnt expect that one. and i believe i knocked out on him. as usual, he was playing maple and talking to me about maple, but then i fell asleeep afterwards. i guess james tried to call me and text me but i was already asleep. i woke up like at 8:25 when i had work at 9. so i took a shower, blow dried my hair. and got my purse and left.
TODAY:
right now, im awake now, after my nap. my boss gave me a 25 dollar gift card from best buy and nordstrom. currently, my lip is a lot better, and you cant really tell my lip is swollen, unlike last night. im just waiting for tommy to get off at 11 so we can ccchhhiiilll. and i believe with joseph too.
peace.
ellaine zapata prt 2
so, i was thinking about posting a whole blog as to why i was pissed the other day, BUTTT i decided that that would be a waste of my time. ill just keep it simple.
me and her dont get along. i tried to be civil with her. but that doesnt really matter to her. her ex started talking to me, whom i didnt even know (since hes in the navy and all, and hes older) and i know right then that she would be pissed if she knew he was talking to me. so i told him that, that she would be mad if she found out that he was talking to me. they got into an argument (btw they are NOT together) and then she sent me a message on myspace basically saying to stay out of her life and to stop associating myself with "her people" and basically how she wishes she never met me. and thennnn i got pissed because i knew she sent me taht message cause her ex was talking to me (when it is really nothing, cause he was talking to me asking for advice about her) so i sent her a message back saying stuff like.. wtf? get your facts straight. its not like that. he messaged me first. its not like im talking to him to make you all mad. and like, i cant help it if your friends want to be friends with me too. and then i told her she was a __ ____ ____ ___ girl. (not posting what i actually called her) then i said, " get your shit straight. then you can bitch at me, if you're even right. " and thennn she sent me a message back, which REALLY REALLY pissed me off, cause she said something. that i really actually shouldnt be mad at. she said "go ahead think highly of myself" and that made me laugh, causeee i dont think highly of myself at all, i just know im better than that stupid bitch. and thennn the thing that i said really pissed me off, she said at the end. cause she was basically talking shit . and i was pretty mad, even more mad, when i tried to reply and she blocked me. HA! whatever.
there is sooo much shit that i can say about her and how she is a ___ ___ ____ ____ girl. buttt im not going to do that. im pretty sure half of the madison population already knows. and only a select few, including me, knows all the details and what not. but anyways, im not wasting any more time talking about this ____ ____ ___ ____ girl. i just posted a blog about it cause i said i would. if you really want to know what happend, in detail or w.e. just aim me or message me on myspace, and i might fill you in. but yeah. peace.
me and her dont get along. i tried to be civil with her. but that doesnt really matter to her. her ex started talking to me, whom i didnt even know (since hes in the navy and all, and hes older) and i know right then that she would be pissed if she knew he was talking to me. so i told him that, that she would be mad if she found out that he was talking to me. they got into an argument (btw they are NOT together) and then she sent me a message on myspace basically saying to stay out of her life and to stop associating myself with "her people" and basically how she wishes she never met me. and thennnn i got pissed because i knew she sent me taht message cause her ex was talking to me (when it is really nothing, cause he was talking to me asking for advice about her) so i sent her a message back saying stuff like.. wtf? get your facts straight. its not like that. he messaged me first. its not like im talking to him to make you all mad. and like, i cant help it if your friends want to be friends with me too. and then i told her she was a __ ____ ____ ___ girl. (not posting what i actually called her) then i said, " get your shit straight. then you can bitch at me, if you're even right. " and thennn she sent me a message back, which REALLY REALLY pissed me off, cause she said something. that i really actually shouldnt be mad at. she said "go ahead think highly of myself" and that made me laugh, causeee i dont think highly of myself at all, i just know im better than that stupid bitch. and thennn the thing that i said really pissed me off, she said at the end. cause she was basically talking shit . and i was pretty mad, even more mad, when i tried to reply and she blocked me. HA! whatever.
there is sooo much shit that i can say about her and how she is a ___ ___ ____ ____ girl. buttt im not going to do that. im pretty sure half of the madison population already knows. and only a select few, including me, knows all the details and what not. but anyways, im not wasting any more time talking about this ____ ____ ___ ____ girl. i just posted a blog about it cause i said i would. if you really want to know what happend, in detail or w.e. just aim me or message me on myspace, and i might fill you in. but yeah. peace.
Friday, December 19, 2008
fat lip.
so, this morning, i went to school and had mrs. rices ap englishh class. i totally forgot to study for the quiz that i missed on wednesday. i probably got a c+ on that crap when i should've gotten an a. oh well. thats my fault.
so during advisory, after i checked into ROTC, i was walking towards LinkCrew Advisory, and i stopped and asked one of the chill security guard ladies if she had salt. she asked why, and i showed her my lip. and that was enough said. she dragged me into the nurses office, which i only anticipated on staying there for no more than five minutes lasted for two in a half hours.
this pretty much sucks cause my lip is really swollen, after being a week since its been pierced. and just like two days ago it started to swell more then usual. thenn, i told her and showed her what was wrong with my lip, cause trust me, this shit hurts.. and its all puffy AND puss-y. not pussy, as in vagina. anyways, i told her i wanted to take it out, as she recommended that i do so anyways. so she tried. with gloves on and fucking long ass tweezers. no luck. oh btw, while she was TRYING to unscrew the ball so she can take it out, it was hurting like hell! worse than the actual piercing! -________- right now, my lip is still pretty swollen. im at home now, and got my appointment extended. imma go to the doctors to ask their opinion if i should take it out or not. but im prolly gonna take it out.
this sucks, cause imma have a fat lip, going out tonight. i dont even wanna go to the swang gang party looking like this. what a great way to start off my break. -_______-
BEFORE MY LIP GOT FAT
AFTER ONE WEEK OF IT BEING PIERCED
IT WASNT LIKE THIS TWO DAYS AGO!
(NOTICE HOW THE BACKING ON THE INSIDE IS BASICALLY
HIDDEN FROM THE SWELLING OF MY GUMS.)
YES YES I KNOW. its gross as fuck. trust me, i know.
off to the doctors. ill update you on what happens.
so during advisory, after i checked into ROTC, i was walking towards LinkCrew Advisory, and i stopped and asked one of the chill security guard ladies if she had salt. she asked why, and i showed her my lip. and that was enough said. she dragged me into the nurses office, which i only anticipated on staying there for no more than five minutes lasted for two in a half hours.
this pretty much sucks cause my lip is really swollen, after being a week since its been pierced. and just like two days ago it started to swell more then usual. thenn, i told her and showed her what was wrong with my lip, cause trust me, this shit hurts.. and its all puffy AND puss-y. not pussy, as in vagina. anyways, i told her i wanted to take it out, as she recommended that i do so anyways. so she tried. with gloves on and fucking long ass tweezers. no luck. oh btw, while she was TRYING to unscrew the ball so she can take it out, it was hurting like hell! worse than the actual piercing! -________- right now, my lip is still pretty swollen. im at home now, and got my appointment extended. imma go to the doctors to ask their opinion if i should take it out or not. but im prolly gonna take it out.
this sucks, cause imma have a fat lip, going out tonight. i dont even wanna go to the swang gang party looking like this. what a great way to start off my break. -_______-
BEFORE MY LIP GOT FAT
AFTER ONE WEEK OF IT BEING PIERCED
IT WASNT LIKE THIS TWO DAYS AGO!
(NOTICE HOW THE BACKING ON THE INSIDE IS BASICALLY
HIDDEN FROM THE SWELLING OF MY GUMS.)
YES YES I KNOW. its gross as fuck. trust me, i know.
off to the doctors. ill update you on what happens.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
stress.
it gets harder and harder to get up everyday. it sucks when the people who will always be there for you, brings you down. people with families that are supportive should be really thankful, no lie. cause even though im not suppose to "let those things get to me" and no matter how hard i try to ignore it, things like that keep repeating in my head, and it brings me down.. a lot.
its like im running a mile, and every step i take i fall, and everytime i get back up is like another bruise to my body. so everytime i try to pick myself back up again, it just gets harder and harder.
maybe its just me complaining, but ierno. so much shit is happening i dont even know how to deal with it anymore.
time to stop complaining. back to homework. oh and dont worry, ill blog later about ellaine and stuff that happened a couple of days ago.
its like im running a mile, and every step i take i fall, and everytime i get back up is like another bruise to my body. so everytime i try to pick myself back up again, it just gets harder and harder.
maybe its just me complaining, but ierno. so much shit is happening i dont even know how to deal with it anymore.
time to stop complaining. back to homework. oh and dont worry, ill blog later about ellaine and stuff that happened a couple of days ago.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
chung kim ; ellaine zapata
dude, this nigg (chung kim) .. i swear, conversations with him make my freaking day.
for exampleee:
its x l i n d a (11:41:43 PM): dude my lips are cold
its x l i n d a (11:41:48 PM): and im not talking about the ones on my face
simply chung (11:41:49 PM): lol heat them.
its x l i n d a (11:41:50 PM): lmfao!
simply chung (11:41:52 PM): HAHAH
simply chung (11:41:55 PM): omg
its x l i n d a (11:41:56 PM): wanna help me heat them ?
its x l i n d a (11:41:56 PM): (:
its x l i n d a (11:41:58 PM): LMFAO
simply chung (11:42:02 PM): LOL WOW
its x l i n d a (11:42:04 PM): frictionn!
its x l i n d a (11:42:05 PM): hahaha
its x l i n d a (11:42:06 PM): damn
its x l i n d a (11:42:07 PM): im good
simply chung (11:42:07 PM): hahaha
its x l i n d a (11:42:08 PM): (:
simply chung (11:42:10 PM): wowww
simply chung (11:42:14 PM): thats all i can say
simply chung (11:42:14 PM): wowww
and no, we arent "talking" "dating" "swacking" or WHATEVER. he is just a good friend of mine that i ALWAYS joke around with.
heres some other examples (which are also in my aim info)
chung : you sit down, and that shit just like canons out
chung: and you wipe and get the hell out under 2 minutes
l i n d a : it doesnt "canon" out. it plops out
chung : LOL PLOP
chung : thats the best word to describe shit coming out
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung : i dont think imma go today though
chung : plus i dont wanna see you when your vag hair is standing up
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung : i wanna mess aorund with it
haha he was talking about messing with my new phone btw.
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
its x l i n d a: and after that imma probably talk to you about my wiping techniques!
chung : dude some people are weird and stand up when they wipe
chung : who the fuck does that chung: i lean forward and wipe my ass
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung: haha it would be way grosser if a guy took a dump through his penis
chung: its like a long thin line chung : of shit chung : coming out
^^ oh man this shit cracks me up. HAHAHHA (:
anyways, cause today, well, later on today, i got fucking PISSED OFF. its a long story, and ill blog about it later. because of this girl names ellaine zapata. omg. thinking about it makes me mad. but w/e ill tell the whole world later as to why i HIGHLY dislike her.
but for now, i need to go do my homework.
OH another highlight of my day, besides chung, is my friend Adam stopped by my house and we went to go get hot cocoa at startbucks! i havent had that in a LONG time. HAHAHA (:
anyywaysss, late. i need to go type my essay, read chapter 15 for biology, and study for my math test. whoopie.
for exampleee:
its x l i n d a (11:41:43 PM): dude my lips are cold
its x l i n d a (11:41:48 PM): and im not talking about the ones on my face
simply chung (11:41:49 PM): lol heat them.
its x l i n d a (11:41:50 PM): lmfao!
simply chung (11:41:52 PM): HAHAH
simply chung (11:41:55 PM): omg
its x l i n d a (11:41:56 PM): wanna help me heat them ?
its x l i n d a (11:41:56 PM): (:
its x l i n d a (11:41:58 PM): LMFAO
simply chung (11:42:02 PM): LOL WOW
its x l i n d a (11:42:04 PM): frictionn!
its x l i n d a (11:42:05 PM): hahaha
its x l i n d a (11:42:06 PM): damn
its x l i n d a (11:42:07 PM): im good
simply chung (11:42:07 PM): hahaha
its x l i n d a (11:42:08 PM): (:
simply chung (11:42:10 PM): wowww
simply chung (11:42:14 PM): thats all i can say
simply chung (11:42:14 PM): wowww
and no, we arent "talking" "dating" "swacking" or WHATEVER. he is just a good friend of mine that i ALWAYS joke around with.
heres some other examples (which are also in my aim info)
chung : you sit down, and that shit just like canons out
chung: and you wipe and get the hell out under 2 minutes
l i n d a : it doesnt "canon" out. it plops out
chung : LOL PLOP
chung : thats the best word to describe shit coming out
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung : i dont think imma go today though
chung : plus i dont wanna see you when your vag hair is standing up
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung : i wanna mess aorund with it
haha he was talking about messing with my new phone btw.
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
its x l i n d a: and after that imma probably talk to you about my wiping techniques!
chung : dude some people are weird and stand up when they wipe
chung : who the fuck does that chung: i lean forward and wipe my ass
- -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -
chung: haha it would be way grosser if a guy took a dump through his penis
chung: its like a long thin line chung : of shit chung : coming out
^^ oh man this shit cracks me up. HAHAHHA (:
anyways, cause today, well, later on today, i got fucking PISSED OFF. its a long story, and ill blog about it later. because of this girl names ellaine zapata. omg. thinking about it makes me mad. but w/e ill tell the whole world later as to why i HIGHLY dislike her.
but for now, i need to go do my homework.
OH another highlight of my day, besides chung, is my friend Adam stopped by my house and we went to go get hot cocoa at startbucks! i havent had that in a LONG time. HAHAHA (:
anyywaysss, late. i need to go type my essay, read chapter 15 for biology, and study for my math test. whoopie.
Monday, December 15, 2008
recap for "tears" . guys. schedule. bullshit. family.
okay, so i was being a little drama queen and saying stuff that wasnt necessary for you guys to hear, but since im tryna keepit real, i would have deleted that blog, but ill just leave it.
so, the reason being for my "emo-ness" is all these memories of my past pains came rushing back, and in my head im thinking"fuck, why is it that i always get fucked over by everyone." and yes yes, its cause im "choosing the wrong guys" -- so yeah, i guess thats my fault. idk, i always believe guys and their bullshit sweet talking and it really does get the best of me. and from there, i become weak and vulnerable. but really, sometimes im always really really cold, and i have this barrier from the whole outside world and i tend to be a bit "mean" in terms of guys tryna get at me. i know i shouldnt damn the whole male population for a couple of guys who decided to be dicks and treat me like shit, but.. thats just how i am.
its weird cause, when im not being all "protective of myself" i get hurt, and when im super duper protective i miss out on a good guy that might have treat me right.
eww no more of this guy talk. i dont need them really. my schedule is always SUPER busy. i basically go to school. work. mesa. a sport(depending on the time of year) go home. study and hopefully sleep. and just recently, on weekends i began to start enjoying myself and surrounding myself with people im comfortable with.. like chung, and tommy etc. and thaankss to them, they are keeping me sane. (: but as for all the other people, they are just trying to add to my pile of stress and unnecessary bullshit and what not, and really, i dont need nor deserve it, so i jsut try to brush it off everytime. but im going to admit, it does get to me sometimes.
i know im a strong person when it comes down to being independent and self-reliable but, sometimes i just so pissed off and puzzled as to why people even bother trying to create more drama and unnecessary bullshit.. idk it makes me mad.. because if only they KNEW what the fuck was going on in my life, they might have the least bit understanding.
im NOT trying to make my life seem so complex and difficult, but its just at time i know that there were so many chances where i could have given up and not give a damn in the world about my grades, health, well being, money, family and all that.. but i guess that thing that is moving me forward is all those people who tell me i cant- especially my parents. although i would love to say that i have the "most supportive" family on this planet but i dont. i come home to a father that can do nothing but yell and scream about how much of a disgrace i am and how im out doing drugs and making money by selling my body (which is obviously not true) and basically makes me feel lower than dirt. and its those times when i want to give up and cry and hid in a little corner (or at least under my blanket) and just cry everything away (so emo right? haha) - but i know that one day.. all this hard work will pay off. all these sleepless nights, endless hours of studying, lack of sleep and food etc etc will all be worth it.
well imma stop here, of all my complaining and shit. back to work.
so, the reason being for my "emo-ness" is all these memories of my past pains came rushing back, and in my head im thinking"fuck, why is it that i always get fucked over by everyone." and yes yes, its cause im "choosing the wrong guys" -- so yeah, i guess thats my fault. idk, i always believe guys and their bullshit sweet talking and it really does get the best of me. and from there, i become weak and vulnerable. but really, sometimes im always really really cold, and i have this barrier from the whole outside world and i tend to be a bit "mean" in terms of guys tryna get at me. i know i shouldnt damn the whole male population for a couple of guys who decided to be dicks and treat me like shit, but.. thats just how i am.
its weird cause, when im not being all "protective of myself" i get hurt, and when im super duper protective i miss out on a good guy that might have treat me right.
eww no more of this guy talk. i dont need them really. my schedule is always SUPER busy. i basically go to school. work. mesa. a sport(depending on the time of year) go home. study and hopefully sleep. and just recently, on weekends i began to start enjoying myself and surrounding myself with people im comfortable with.. like chung, and tommy etc. and thaankss to them, they are keeping me sane. (: but as for all the other people, they are just trying to add to my pile of stress and unnecessary bullshit and what not, and really, i dont need nor deserve it, so i jsut try to brush it off everytime. but im going to admit, it does get to me sometimes.
i know im a strong person when it comes down to being independent and self-reliable but, sometimes i just so pissed off and puzzled as to why people even bother trying to create more drama and unnecessary bullshit.. idk it makes me mad.. because if only they KNEW what the fuck was going on in my life, they might have the least bit understanding.
im NOT trying to make my life seem so complex and difficult, but its just at time i know that there were so many chances where i could have given up and not give a damn in the world about my grades, health, well being, money, family and all that.. but i guess that thing that is moving me forward is all those people who tell me i cant- especially my parents. although i would love to say that i have the "most supportive" family on this planet but i dont. i come home to a father that can do nothing but yell and scream about how much of a disgrace i am and how im out doing drugs and making money by selling my body (which is obviously not true) and basically makes me feel lower than dirt. and its those times when i want to give up and cry and hid in a little corner (or at least under my blanket) and just cry everything away (so emo right? haha) - but i know that one day.. all this hard work will pay off. all these sleepless nights, endless hours of studying, lack of sleep and food etc etc will all be worth it.
well imma stop here, of all my complaining and shit. back to work.
TEARS**
are swelling up in my eyes..
it still makes me cry, to think about it, to think about the past and what ive lost and to face it, to face them like a mockery in my face.
its been about 8months now, and till this day, the very thought of it, the pictures, the songs, the memories-makes me cry..
if its true that things fall apart so better things can fall into place, ive been waiting.. waiting for 8 months, but nothing but more hurt, pain, and tears have come my way. not the least bit of happiness. not the least bit. cause in the end, after the week or two of artificial happiness, comes more tears, frustrations, failures, goodbyes, mistakes, and miserable memories to be held within me.
im so tired of getting treated like shit, im so tried of being unappreciated, im so tired of being used, im so tired of being treated like a piece of meat, a trophy. im so tired of all this FAKE ASS assholes who take my heart and play around with it like im some type of game.
i dont need anyone. no, its not that. its just, all these guys.. they tell me what i want to hear, and they get the best of me, and in the end, im left facing their cold shoulder as they walk off, with a selfish smirk on their face. its not that i need someone. no. i just wish that all these guys that try to be apart of my life, as so they say, all these guys that "want some of me," i just wish that one of them, just one, can for once, be real with me. but no. they are all in it for themselves. what do my feelings matter to them ? what do my thoughts and needs matter? it doesnt. because everyone is selfish in this world, and its the survival of the fittest.
i feel so bitter. so cold. so angry at the world. for all its twists and turns that i always have to go through. i feel like i want to shut everyone out, for the sake of myself, cause when i open up, i just end up getting hurt again..
i know i dont have it that bad. i know that my life isnt the worst out there.. but sometimes i cant help but feel so miserable, like im living my life with no purpose. like im just a robot, living the same old routine everyday, working my ass off for no one, and for no purpose. its times like these were i feel so emo.
i dont fucking deserve this shit. i dont fucking deserve it, not all this pain, for this long. to be continued after i stop crying and take a nap..
^^^ try to disregard what i said above, im just really sad right now and im talkign out of my ass. im just super sad and im just typing whatever comes to my mind. i need to take a nap. i need to get away from this horrid place.
i want to go to sleep, and never wake up from this nightmare again.
it still makes me cry, to think about it, to think about the past and what ive lost and to face it, to face them like a mockery in my face.
its been about 8months now, and till this day, the very thought of it, the pictures, the songs, the memories-makes me cry..
if its true that things fall apart so better things can fall into place, ive been waiting.. waiting for 8 months, but nothing but more hurt, pain, and tears have come my way. not the least bit of happiness. not the least bit. cause in the end, after the week or two of artificial happiness, comes more tears, frustrations, failures, goodbyes, mistakes, and miserable memories to be held within me.
im so tired of getting treated like shit, im so tried of being unappreciated, im so tired of being used, im so tired of being treated like a piece of meat, a trophy. im so tired of all this FAKE ASS assholes who take my heart and play around with it like im some type of game.
i dont need anyone. no, its not that. its just, all these guys.. they tell me what i want to hear, and they get the best of me, and in the end, im left facing their cold shoulder as they walk off, with a selfish smirk on their face. its not that i need someone. no. i just wish that all these guys that try to be apart of my life, as so they say, all these guys that "want some of me," i just wish that one of them, just one, can for once, be real with me. but no. they are all in it for themselves. what do my feelings matter to them ? what do my thoughts and needs matter? it doesnt. because everyone is selfish in this world, and its the survival of the fittest.
i feel so bitter. so cold. so angry at the world. for all its twists and turns that i always have to go through. i feel like i want to shut everyone out, for the sake of myself, cause when i open up, i just end up getting hurt again..
i know i dont have it that bad. i know that my life isnt the worst out there.. but sometimes i cant help but feel so miserable, like im living my life with no purpose. like im just a robot, living the same old routine everyday, working my ass off for no one, and for no purpose. its times like these were i feel so emo.
i dont fucking deserve this shit. i dont fucking deserve it, not all this pain, for this long. to be continued after i stop crying and take a nap..
^^^ try to disregard what i said above, im just really sad right now and im talkign out of my ass. im just super sad and im just typing whatever comes to my mind. i need to take a nap. i need to get away from this horrid place.
i want to go to sleep, and never wake up from this nightmare again.
rain. lip. last night.
so, right now im at home, cause i got out of school early, and its fucking pouringgg rain.
my lip is really bugging me, like, i try to move it, and it feels as if the skin on the outside of the ring/ball is dry, so its painful. hopefully the swellling will go down.
so yesterdayyy i basically woke up at like three, and didnt do shit till like six. i stayed in last night, although tommy wanted to hang out, but i had homework to do so i stayed in. imma good girl huh? (: but anywaysss, i spend like all night TRYINGG to do my homework, but i swear my whole phone book was texting me! or people were aiming me.. and of coursee i was responding.
i was talking to jet, and i bet you'd never guess about what. FUCKING MAPLE STORY. oh my gahhh!! dude, i remember when i USE TO play that game. what a waste of my freaking life, staring at a computer, pressing 1-2 keys simultaneously to kill "monsters" to gain experiance to level up. wowww. idk why i wasted my life on that game. well i do know why, cause my current boyfriend then was addicted to that game, and since i was his girlfriend, i so happen to pick up the game as well. but anyways, back to the conversation me and jet had. basically, he called, trying to convince me to play that stupid game with him, and im like.. "hell fu**ing NO!" - i refuse to allow myself to get sucked up into a game that will not benefit me in anyway and also take away precious time that i have that i should be using to sleep or study.
then after that, guess who called?! haha james! ; its that black and korean guy i met at tap x, on wednesday or something along with rj and gener and stuff. OH MY LORDY! that conversation was interestinggg. hhahaaahahaha. i couldnt stop laughing! ill prolly blame him from the reason why my lip is hurting right now. apparently to him, he doesnt understand how " i stand it" - when in reality, its not THAT big of a deal to me. (and he is prolly the only one who gets what i mean when i say "stand it")
which leds me to the big question..
if you have a lip ring (stud or ring) is it harder for you to make out with someone?. i wonderr because that would suck nuts if it changes anything. cause really, if i cant kiss the same or make out the same and what not, this piercing gots to go! since, i dont want to have sex or i know i should have sex, which thus only allows me to make out (: HAHAHHA. anywaysss, that was prolly too much information for you guys. but if you read this far, congrats. cause if you havent noticed, i write a lot.
but basically, the conversation i had with him was pretty cool. no we didnt talk about like fucking eachother or anything. which is prolly what some of you are thinking. i mean, we talked about our personal lives and what not, and i got to know him better which was chill. joseph was right. wtf is up with me and the "js" HAHAHA. anyways, im not trying to imply anything.
cause, its not like i really want a bf right now. i wouldnt mind talking to someone though. if you know what i mean. cause, having a bf right now, idk, all the guys that have tried to get at me, i dotn take seriously, and they prolly dont take relationships seriously like i do, so thats out of the question.
but right now, my toes are cold. my lip is irritating me. and mervyns and starbucks are calling my name. ill blog later! (:
my lip is really bugging me, like, i try to move it, and it feels as if the skin on the outside of the ring/ball is dry, so its painful. hopefully the swellling will go down.
so yesterdayyy i basically woke up at like three, and didnt do shit till like six. i stayed in last night, although tommy wanted to hang out, but i had homework to do so i stayed in. imma good girl huh? (: but anywaysss, i spend like all night TRYINGG to do my homework, but i swear my whole phone book was texting me! or people were aiming me.. and of coursee i was responding.
i was talking to jet, and i bet you'd never guess about what. FUCKING MAPLE STORY. oh my gahhh!! dude, i remember when i USE TO play that game. what a waste of my freaking life, staring at a computer, pressing 1-2 keys simultaneously to kill "monsters" to gain experiance to level up. wowww. idk why i wasted my life on that game. well i do know why, cause my current boyfriend then was addicted to that game, and since i was his girlfriend, i so happen to pick up the game as well. but anyways, back to the conversation me and jet had. basically, he called, trying to convince me to play that stupid game with him, and im like.. "hell fu**ing NO!" - i refuse to allow myself to get sucked up into a game that will not benefit me in anyway and also take away precious time that i have that i should be using to sleep or study.
then after that, guess who called?! haha james! ; its that black and korean guy i met at tap x, on wednesday or something along with rj and gener and stuff. OH MY LORDY! that conversation was interestinggg. hhahaaahahaha. i couldnt stop laughing! ill prolly blame him from the reason why my lip is hurting right now. apparently to him, he doesnt understand how " i stand it" - when in reality, its not THAT big of a deal to me. (and he is prolly the only one who gets what i mean when i say "stand it")
which leds me to the big question..
if you have a lip ring (stud or ring) is it harder for you to make out with someone?. i wonderr because that would suck nuts if it changes anything. cause really, if i cant kiss the same or make out the same and what not, this piercing gots to go! since, i dont want to have sex or i know i should have sex, which thus only allows me to make out (: HAHAHHA. anywaysss, that was prolly too much information for you guys. but if you read this far, congrats. cause if you havent noticed, i write a lot.
but basically, the conversation i had with him was pretty cool. no we didnt talk about like fucking eachother or anything. which is prolly what some of you are thinking. i mean, we talked about our personal lives and what not, and i got to know him better which was chill. joseph was right. wtf is up with me and the "js" HAHAHA. anyways, im not trying to imply anything.
cause, its not like i really want a bf right now. i wouldnt mind talking to someone though. if you know what i mean. cause, having a bf right now, idk, all the guys that have tried to get at me, i dotn take seriously, and they prolly dont take relationships seriously like i do, so thats out of the question.
but right now, my toes are cold. my lip is irritating me. and mervyns and starbucks are calling my name. ill blog later! (:
Saturday, December 13, 2008
currently; cat&mouse chase; my type.
so i decided, im just going to blog pretty much on my current moods, thoughts, problems& upcoming events, and things that revolve around such matters.
quote of the day:
"why fill life with more games, when life is already hard as it is."
^^^^ so from that, i was just thinking about how guys LOVE to play cat and mouse chase and shit. it really bugs me . like, they dont want to call or they wait for you to call, or never make the first move or take an initiative to do anything! ughhhh, it bugs me a lot. because im sitting here, thinking the same thing. cause the way i am, its like, i want to know that guy is interested in me, for the right reasons, so thats the way i always sit back to see what the guy does, so i can be able to tell what type of guy he is, or what is intentions are. but like, once i know me and the guy are on the same page, then id put in effort too.. i mean like.. errr. idk how to explain it. cause like, i know the guy is probably thinking "oh she isnt calling me, so she must be "chopping it up" with some other dude" or when i text him something nice he is prolly thinking"she prolly texted that to the other guys too" -_______- OMG! i hateee that! the way i am, if im "talking" to someone or if im "interested" in someone, i never ever try to get at another dude. i may text and talk to other dudes, but im not "talking" to them or i wouldnt be like "flirting" with them and stuff. idk, some guys that ive talked to the in past take the things i see for granted or they think im like full of shit or something. i just want a fucking guy to be real with me so i can be real with him! no fucking games por favor. but another thing is, just cause i text or talk to a guy on the phone, it DOES NOT mean that i LIKE him or im TALKING to him or im SWACKING him. -___- i fucking get ANNOYED when people always think that. a homeboy is just a homeboy unless noted otherwise!
this is pretty much my "type" but theres always room for me to make exceptions.. cause trust me.. i have. you'd believe me if you were to see the guys ive gone out with or talked to. -.-
i need to set higher standards and UPGRADE. cause, i always get treated like shit.
-smart or not dumb as a rock ; so i would be able to hold a decent conversation with him
-althetically affiliated or "fit"
-somewhat a sense of clothing style.
and thats pretty much it. except there are much more details and stuff that go along with that, but im too lazy to type it all out. smart.fit.style. yupp
OH, and i really really dislike guys who put themselves above everyone else. i mean theres a dick from being confidently "aware" and being an arrogant, stuck up dick. i hate guys who try to be-little be and try to make me feel like im not "good" enough. cause i know, most of those guys, they get at girls who are "dime pieces" and who are hot pieces of shit, but i guarantee you, like 2/3 of those girls, are stuck up, materialistic, golddigging, selfish, conceited girls. (i would have said whores, but thats not always true).
OHHH and id like to continue on before, about earlier; just cause i talk to someone or text or chill with a guy, doesnt mean anything. like, after all the shit that has happened.. i really want to get to know a guy... like really well. and like, if i end up liking him, then i end up liking him, if there are things about him that i wont be able to stand, then we can stay as friends. theres a BIG difference from LIKING and from being INTERESTED in a guy.
well, enough of that for me. im getting cold. i have a stuffy nose, and my lip hurts. back to work.
quote of the day:
"why fill life with more games, when life is already hard as it is."
^^^^ so from that, i was just thinking about how guys LOVE to play cat and mouse chase and shit. it really bugs me . like, they dont want to call or they wait for you to call, or never make the first move or take an initiative to do anything! ughhhh, it bugs me a lot. because im sitting here, thinking the same thing. cause the way i am, its like, i want to know that guy is interested in me, for the right reasons, so thats the way i always sit back to see what the guy does, so i can be able to tell what type of guy he is, or what is intentions are. but like, once i know me and the guy are on the same page, then id put in effort too.. i mean like.. errr. idk how to explain it. cause like, i know the guy is probably thinking "oh she isnt calling me, so she must be "chopping it up" with some other dude" or when i text him something nice he is prolly thinking"she prolly texted that to the other guys too" -_______- OMG! i hateee that! the way i am, if im "talking" to someone or if im "interested" in someone, i never ever try to get at another dude. i may text and talk to other dudes, but im not "talking" to them or i wouldnt be like "flirting" with them and stuff. idk, some guys that ive talked to the in past take the things i see for granted or they think im like full of shit or something. i just want a fucking guy to be real with me so i can be real with him! no fucking games por favor. but another thing is, just cause i text or talk to a guy on the phone, it DOES NOT mean that i LIKE him or im TALKING to him or im SWACKING him. -___- i fucking get ANNOYED when people always think that. a homeboy is just a homeboy unless noted otherwise!
this is pretty much my "type" but theres always room for me to make exceptions.. cause trust me.. i have. you'd believe me if you were to see the guys ive gone out with or talked to. -.-
i need to set higher standards and UPGRADE. cause, i always get treated like shit.
-smart or not dumb as a rock ; so i would be able to hold a decent conversation with him
-althetically affiliated or "fit"
-somewhat a sense of clothing style.
and thats pretty much it. except there are much more details and stuff that go along with that, but im too lazy to type it all out. smart.fit.style. yupp
OH, and i really really dislike guys who put themselves above everyone else. i mean theres a dick from being confidently "aware" and being an arrogant, stuck up dick. i hate guys who try to be-little be and try to make me feel like im not "good" enough. cause i know, most of those guys, they get at girls who are "dime pieces" and who are hot pieces of shit, but i guarantee you, like 2/3 of those girls, are stuck up, materialistic, golddigging, selfish, conceited girls. (i would have said whores, but thats not always true).
OHHH and id like to continue on before, about earlier; just cause i talk to someone or text or chill with a guy, doesnt mean anything. like, after all the shit that has happened.. i really want to get to know a guy... like really well. and like, if i end up liking him, then i end up liking him, if there are things about him that i wont be able to stand, then we can stay as friends. theres a BIG difference from LIKING and from being INTERESTED in a guy.
well, enough of that for me. im getting cold. i have a stuffy nose, and my lip hurts. back to work.
Friday, December 12, 2008
phone. lip&belly piercing. tap x. ;
review of thursday and friday(today):
so, i lost my phone the other day, and that pretty much blows big time. i felt like crying but it totally wasnt worth it, cause a phone is replaceable. and the funny thing is, idk where i lost it exactly. i know i had it at tap x, and after that, me and tommy went for a drive downtown and then we went to walmart then to mcds then taco bell, and i realized it, once we were about to leave taco bell. talk about a little too late. hahaha.
so today (friday);
i went to bed around three, cause i spent the rest of the night looking for what phone i wanted. i woke up and i went to the "q" for my schools cif finalist game thing. we lost. but its okay. we had an almost perfect season. 12-1. (: which is still really good, since this is the first time in the whole history of madison, that that has happened. anyways, after that, i went to work, and i waited for my boss to come and give me my check. cashed my check. and went to go get my lip and belly pierced. i was scared shitless. but the lady numbed both my lip and belly so it didnt hurt as bad as i thought. afterwards, i was tripping out, cause the lip piercing looked really low. so, im going to keep it for a bit, and decide if i want to take it out or not. OH btw, the piercings were only 55 total. so that was pretty good. after that, i went to buy stuff at walgreens to clean it, then att store to get a new sim card, then fortune cookie express, then i went home. and ive been home since. now, im just waiting for tommy to come get me so we can go get my phone (lg vu!)
oh and btw, i got kind of annoyed when yesterday, philip said goodbye and said "dont swack too much etc etc etc" - like, its not the fact that philip said it, its just in general. i HATE it when people assume im "talking" or "trying to get at" or "chopping it up with" or "swacking" with a guy JUST cause i hang out with them or text them or something. in all honesty, tommy is like, one of my closest friends now. he is down for me. he is real with me. and he is someone i can trust. what more can i ask for for our friendship? his friendship means a lot to me, and i just get annoyed when people make remarks regarding the whole fact that me and him are talking.
anyways, i havent blogged in a LONG time, and i guess i felt like blogging after i read a guy named james' blog. which btw i met for the first time at tap x the other day, along with rj whom was with gener, tiff, and philip. haha james is korean and black! ive never met anyone with a mix like that before, which is cool. OHH that reminds me, i was trying to study for my lit term quiz the following day (which is today) and philip like, snatched my flashcards out of my hands (or tried to) - by now, people should realize, I BRING HW WHEREVER I GO, or at least i try to.
and now, which is 9:00 i have a stuffy nose, im dressed, glasses on, my bellys sore and yeah.
im just waiting nowww.. so i guess i'll blog later!
oh, and i took at good look at james, hes pretty cute for a black guy, and i hate to say it like that, cause it makes me sound so racist or like .. arrrogant. but yeah, im usually not attracted to black guys, but i guess he doesnt really count, cause hes half. but yeah..
ill blog later. OH and i need ppl to send me their freaking numbers so i can put it in my phone.
bye! (:
so, i lost my phone the other day, and that pretty much blows big time. i felt like crying but it totally wasnt worth it, cause a phone is replaceable. and the funny thing is, idk where i lost it exactly. i know i had it at tap x, and after that, me and tommy went for a drive downtown and then we went to walmart then to mcds then taco bell, and i realized it, once we were about to leave taco bell. talk about a little too late. hahaha.
so today (friday);
i went to bed around three, cause i spent the rest of the night looking for what phone i wanted. i woke up and i went to the "q" for my schools cif finalist game thing. we lost. but its okay. we had an almost perfect season. 12-1. (: which is still really good, since this is the first time in the whole history of madison, that that has happened. anyways, after that, i went to work, and i waited for my boss to come and give me my check. cashed my check. and went to go get my lip and belly pierced. i was scared shitless. but the lady numbed both my lip and belly so it didnt hurt as bad as i thought. afterwards, i was tripping out, cause the lip piercing looked really low. so, im going to keep it for a bit, and decide if i want to take it out or not. OH btw, the piercings were only 55 total. so that was pretty good. after that, i went to buy stuff at walgreens to clean it, then att store to get a new sim card, then fortune cookie express, then i went home. and ive been home since. now, im just waiting for tommy to come get me so we can go get my phone (lg vu!)
oh and btw, i got kind of annoyed when yesterday, philip said goodbye and said "dont swack too much etc etc etc" - like, its not the fact that philip said it, its just in general. i HATE it when people assume im "talking" or "trying to get at" or "chopping it up with" or "swacking" with a guy JUST cause i hang out with them or text them or something. in all honesty, tommy is like, one of my closest friends now. he is down for me. he is real with me. and he is someone i can trust. what more can i ask for for our friendship? his friendship means a lot to me, and i just get annoyed when people make remarks regarding the whole fact that me and him are talking.
anyways, i havent blogged in a LONG time, and i guess i felt like blogging after i read a guy named james' blog. which btw i met for the first time at tap x the other day, along with rj whom was with gener, tiff, and philip. haha james is korean and black! ive never met anyone with a mix like that before, which is cool. OHH that reminds me, i was trying to study for my lit term quiz the following day (which is today) and philip like, snatched my flashcards out of my hands (or tried to) - by now, people should realize, I BRING HW WHEREVER I GO, or at least i try to.
and now, which is 9:00 i have a stuffy nose, im dressed, glasses on, my bellys sore and yeah.
im just waiting nowww.. so i guess i'll blog later!
oh, and i took at good look at james, hes pretty cute for a black guy, and i hate to say it like that, cause it makes me sound so racist or like .. arrrogant. but yeah, im usually not attracted to black guys, but i guess he doesnt really count, cause hes half. but yeah..
ill blog later. OH and i need ppl to send me their freaking numbers so i can put it in my phone.
bye! (:
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