TEARS**

are swelling up in my eyes..

it still makes me cry, to think about it, to think about the past and what ive lost and to face it, to face them like a mockery in my face.


its been about 8months now, and till this day, the very thought of it, the pictures, the songs, the memories-makes me cry..

if its true that things fall apart so better things can fall into place, ive been waiting.. waiting for 8 months, but nothing but more hurt, pain, and tears have come my way. not the least bit of happiness. not the least bit. cause in the end, after the week or two of artificial happiness, comes more tears, frustrations, failures, goodbyes, mistakes, and miserable memories to be held within me.

im so tired of getting treated like shit, im so tried of being unappreciated, im so tired of being used, im so tired of being treated like a piece of meat, a trophy. im so tired of all this FAKE ASS assholes who take my heart and play around with it like im some type of game.

i dont need anyone. no, its not that. its just, all these guys.. they tell me what i want to hear, and they get the best of me, and in the end, im left facing their cold shoulder as they walk off, with a selfish smirk on their face. its not that i need someone. no. i just wish that all these guys that try to be apart of my life, as so they say, all these guys that "want some of me," i just wish that one of them, just one, can for once, be real with me. but no. they are all in it for themselves. what do my feelings matter to them ? what do my thoughts and needs matter? it doesnt. because everyone is selfish in this world, and its the survival of the fittest.

i feel so bitter. so cold. so angry at the world. for all its twists and turns that i always have to go through. i feel like i want to shut everyone out, for the sake of myself, cause when i open up, i just end up getting hurt again..

i know i dont have it that bad. i know that my life isnt the worst out there.. but sometimes i cant help but feel so miserable, like im living my life with no purpose. like im just a robot, living the same old routine everyday, working my ass off for no one, and for no purpose. its times like these were i feel so emo.

i dont fucking deserve this shit. i dont fucking deserve it, not all this pain, for this long. to be continued after i stop crying and take a nap..

^^^ try to disregard what i said above, im just really sad right now and im talkign out of my ass. im just super sad and im just typing whatever comes to my mind. i need to take a nap. i need to get away from this horrid place.

i want to go to sleep, and never wake up from this nightmare again.